Learning How To Overcome Self-sabotage
It's easy to forget just how powerful our subconscious minds can be. We are often completely unaware of how our actions (or inactions) are affecting our lives. We may complain that things never work out for us, we have bad luck, or we just don't have what it takes to be successful. What we fail to realize is that we are actually creating our own circumstances through subconscious self-sabotage. In order to overcome self-sabotage we first have to use conscious awareness to explore our emotions and fears, and understand how they influence our actions. Once we have determined the cause of the destructive behavior, we can then take steps to prevent it from happening in the future.
What's really happening when we sabotage ourselves? Subconsciously, we may be frightened by a particular outcome, even though we say we want it. Take, for example, losing weight. Many overweight people have struggled for years, tried diet after diet, and still can't lose the weight (or keep it off). They berate themselves, push themselves harder, and try to force the weight off. But what's happening beneath the surface? Do they really want to lose their excess pounds? They may say they do, but what if their layers of fat are providing a sense of protection and security in an uncertain world? What if they feel the need to cover up and conceal themselves? Losing weight then becomes a threatening, frightening possibility. So they might sabotage their diet efforts in order to avoid feeling too vulnerable and exposed. Even though they say they want to lose weight (and even believe they do) they still might set themselves up for failure by sneaking food, skipping exercise, and then making a promise that they'll try harder tomorrow.
Others may be intimidated by something as simple as starting a new job. Did you know that there are a surprisingly high number of people who don’t show up for job interviews, even for highly-desirable positions? Let's look at another example: Perhaps a stay-at-home-mom decides she needs to return to the workforce to earn money for her family. What she really wants is to stay home with her children, but she feels obligated to get a job outside the home. So instead of applying for the perfect position, she applies for jobs that she knows she's not qualified for, or jobs that require hours incompatible with her family's schedule so she has to turn down the job if it's offered. Subconsciously, that's her way of ensuring she won’t have to leave home, and at least she can say she "tried" to get a job.
Those who self-sabotage may also be afraid of what others will think of them should they accomplish their goals. They might not believe they're worthy of the outcome, so they act in ways that will ensure their failure.
These destructive efforts are done subconsciously, so even the saboteurs have fooled themselves into thinking they know what they want. If there is any uncertainty in their mind, any doubt, any fear, they will find a way to make sure it doesn't happen.
Perhaps this describes you? Have you sabotaged yourself in the past? Are you still doing it now? Are you not able to move forward with your goals, no matter how hard you try?
Fortunately we CAN overcome self-sabotage. The most important step to stopping self-sabotaging behavior is to recognize that it's happening. We must develop a conscious awareness of our thoughts, emotions, and actions.
If you've been struggling with a certain goal and things just don't seem to be working out for you, take a look at the setbacks that were encountered and evaluate the situation. Could any of the obstacles have been avoided by making wiser choices on your part? Are there a significantly high number of obstacles that have arisen for this one particular goal? If so, you may be self-sabotaging yourself.
A great way to get in touch with your subconscious mind is by spending time in quiet meditation. Ask yourself what you're afraid of. What fears do you have? What uncertainties? What makes you feel uncomfortable about this goal? For what reasons would you try to hold yourself back? Using a journal to write these questions and answers can help too, because writing can help you to connect with the deepest part of yourself. It might take time and practice, but exploring these possibilities can dramatically help you to get out of the self-sabotage rut.
When we finally understand that we are in control of our own success, we will be set free from all limitations! By developing clarity and insight about the outcomes we want to create, and the awareness for potential setbacks, we can stop the self-sabotage and focus our energies on working toward new goals that we will fully support in every way. We will then look back one day and see that instead of being our own worst saboteur, we have become our best supporter.
By: Wendy Betterini
Source: http://www.articledashboard.com
Wendy Betterini is a freelance writer who strives to motivate, uplift, and inspire you to make your dreams a reality. Visit her website, www.WingsForTheHeart.com for more positive thoughts to help you on your journey.
Developing Self Esteem During Childhood
The building of self-esteem starts in childhood. This means that as parents you have a responsibility to help your son or daughter to have a healthy self-image of him or herself. A healthy self-image is the cornerstone of good self-esteem.
How important is self-esteem in a child's development? Developing self-esteem during childhood is very crucial. This is because it could affect the child in every stages of his or her development. How he looks at him or herself will definitely affect his or her future relationships, career development, confidence, prosperity and even happiness. Studies have shown that one of the traits happy people share is having a positive self-image of themselves.
How does a parent that his or her child has a healthy self-image? There are several ways to do this. Below are just some of the things you can do to develop your child's self-esteem.
Never compare your child with other children
The single most devastating thing a parent can do to ruin his or her child's self-esteem is to compare him or her with other children. Unfortunately, comparisons are very much a part of our culture particularly our schooling system. One of the ways a child gets compared to other children is through peer pressure.
Every child knows that there is tremendous pressure from other children, particularly from the ones in school to conform to the ways of a certain group. That is why in school you can see several cliques and these groups can be identified with different labels. There are the jocks, the jerks, the nerd or geek, the addict, the slut, etc. These groups are inherently not bad but oftentimes group's identity precedes the individual's identity which could lead into a loss in identity and eventually low self-esteem.
To most adults these are just groups and labels but for a young innocent child the cliques are their world. Your child intentionally or not gets labeled and his or her tendency to is group with the ones with similar ideas and interests.
Always praise and encourage your children
When you talk to your child, always remember to use positive and encouraging words. If your child has done something praiseworthy then do not hold back on the kind and beautiful words. Doing so will do wonders for your kid's self esteem. It does not matter whether the act is big or small. If he did something good then praise him for it. There is nothing more discouraging than the feeling of not being appreciated for the things that you have done.
Praising and encouraging children provides them with a positive self image of themselves. For them, it means that they are important enough for you to notice and recognize their achievements in life.
By constantly giving kind encouraging words to children, you can ensure that they will grow healthy psychologically.
Of course if they did something wrong, children should be reprimanded. But should do it in a way that it won't hurt their ego and damage their esteem. Whenever they have done something that is less than d desirable always make it clear to them that you are not in favor with the deed and not with them.
Remember, developing your child's self-esteem is very important in his or her progress. Just follow the guidelines to make sure that your kid will grow up mature emotionally and mentally.
Some Self Esteem Building Exercises
There are simply times when we feel so bad about ourselves. It can be caused by a lot of things. Heartbreak is one of the most common reasons for low self esteem and is often the case for people who lost their self to their relationship. For the people who are in love with their career, a demotion can kill their self esteem. Workaholics who get fired are the number one candidates of low self esteem.
Teenagers who devote their time and energy to finally getting that slot in the varsity will have a lot to work on their self esteem should they be cut from the team. Self esteem is anchored in a lot of things like the factors mentioned above but solely depending on one single factor is not good. A high self esteem should be gained by being able positive toward all aspects of life and not just one.
In case you are one of those people who are suffering from low self esteem or happen to know someone who is suffering from low self esteem then read on and maybe these exercises can help you in finding your way back to gaining that high self esteem. Let us start off with your self. The mirror can do so many things. How many times have we seen depressed people throw mirrors or throw something at mirrors to break them because they do not like what they see?
Many, many times I would bet. So let us begin with making sure that we like what we see in the mirrors. In this phase, physically looking good is very important so take the time to fix yourself. Take a trip to the parlor or to the gym. It is a must that you like and love what you see in the mirror because such fondness is a good way to start making yourself better. And when that is settled, look at the mirror every morning and say “I love myself” not because your narcissistic but because you love the unique you who have so much to offer to the world.
Have one day of fun with friends every week. Sometimes surrounding yourself with people is not enough. You have to have a day spent with really close friends wherein you do nothing but celebrate the “highs” of the week. Think up of something like the “snap cup” in the movie Legally Blonde and have a session every week.
Why every week? It is nice to always have something to look forward to every week. This exercise, aside from helping you keep your self esteem, will enable you to share a unique bond with your friends and together you will all grow up beautifully. Be careful not to over praise each other so make sure that you only give sincere and timely praises to each other.
Those are just two exercises you can practice to build your self esteem or to finally build a high self esteem. There are other ways but one individual practice and another group exercise should encourage you to get at least get started and then just keep on doing it until it becomes habit. You never know, when you are so good at it then you can begin to walk the talk and inspire others to do the same.
Six Pillar Of Self Esteem – 3 Ways To Raise Your Self Esteem
You want to raise your self esteem, you know it will help you to lead a happier and more successful life. But low self esteem is like a trap. When you have low self esteem, it’s hard to allow yourself to be happy and to respect your own abilities. Here are 3 ideas for making those first steps that don’t need you to leap over enormous barriers.
1. Start Small. Find one or two areas of your life where you want to raise your self esteem – it could be your work, your relationship with someone, or it could be talking to new business contacts. Start by taking small steps.
If the problem is networking to find new business contacts you could then identify one small action that you could take to get started. Rather than trying to impress a whole group of people at once, you could start by just introducing yourself and letting the conversation continue.
Once you’ve established that this is o.k., congratulate yourself, you’re making progress. Now you’re ready to move on to the next step of contributing to the conversation and eventually to presenting your business.
2. Be Willing to take a risk. One of the most debilitating effects of low self esteem is that you can end up unable to take any risks at all. Evaluate the action that you perceive as risky. Is it really that risky? Do lots of other people do it every day? Use positive self talk to encourage yourself to take the risk.
Once you’ve done what you set out to do evaluate the experience. You will be surprised to find that more often than not you were more successful than you expected to be. Let yourself know that you are capable of coping.
3. Focus on your achievements. Work on your self belief by focussing on what you’ve achieved. If you start looking at the things that you perceive as failures, stop immediately. Reset your thinking and ask yourself what did I learn from that, how can I turn it into something good?
Spend some time at the end of every day reviewing what you’ve achieved during the day. Be honest with yourself, you have achieved something every day. Don’t worry if it’s only a tiny step, you’re moving in the right direction.
Always remeber you can break free of low self esteem. Seeking external help can make a difference, but there are many things that you can do for yourself. If you apply the ideas in this article every day, you will start to notice your self esteem growing day by day.
By: Kevin John
Source: http://www.articledashboard.com
Would you like to learn more about the six pillars of self esteem? Visit my website for more resources, articles, and support materials about success and personal growth here. Kevin John has spent many years helping businesses owners, aspiring business owners, and private individuals to achieve success.
Self Esteem - How to Use Powerful Positive Passionate Thoughts
Is thinking that you can create the life you want simply by your thoughts just metaphysical mumbo jumbo? If one can truly create real happiness just by thought then why aren't more people happy?
Let's consider the two sides of this particular coin.
Here are some self limiting, negative, sorrow inducing thoughts, statements, ideas that are often taught to our children:
- You'll be sorry later.
- Life is full of disappointments.
- You can't always win.
- You can't always be happy.
- You'll just have to learn to live with it.
- One person can't make a difference.
- Money doesn't grow on trees.
- There is not enough for everyone.
Here are some powerful, positive, passionate thoughts, statements, ideas that can be taught to our children:
- No need to be fearful, you are a magnificent person.
- Life is wonderous and full of excitement.
- You can be, have or do anything you want.
- If you choose to be happy then you will be happy.
- Live with purpose, live your best life.
- Having money allows you to serve others, attract lots of money.
- God (the universe) provides lavishly for you and all humanity.
With the first set of thoughts what kind of family, community, country do you think this child will create as he reaches adulthood? Looking at the second set of thoughts what kind of family, community, country do you think this particular child will create?
The first child might find himself living in a world filled with kids taking guns to school, teachers afraid to teach, countries at war, rampid disease, poor living conditions. The second child would not, his world would reflect peace, a sense of purpose, that making a difference in all aspects of his life matters. His sense of well being would bring him prosperity.
Examine your beliefs closely. Do you fall into group 1 or group 2 or maybe a combination of the two. What does your life reflect right now? Is it a match to the reoccurring thoughts you have daily? The secret, often unshared thoughts that live in your soul, the ones that make up who you think you are.
If you want to have a powerful, positive, passionate life, then why not focus on what you want, not what you don't want. Your thoughts are the most powerful thing you own, pass them on. It can make a great inheritance for your children
As the saying goes " A man is only as happy as he makes up his mind to be."
Copyright (c) 2007 Priscilla Parham
Source: http://www.articlecube.com
Become part of something that is sweeping the world with inspiration. You’ll find jokes, free audio affirmations and other secret tools to download at www.LiveTheSecret.us . Priscilla Parham coaches on awareness and goal setting for your health, your business and your relationships motivating change from the inside-out.
7 Steps to Achieving Healthy Self-Esteem
The happiest people are those who do not judge others, live in kindness and love themselves. Do you ever see someone who is perpetually happy and wish you could be like them? You CAN achieve a healthy self-esteem…it takes time and effort. Following are seven steps to help you on your way to becoming a happier, healthier YOU.
1. IDENTIFY
One is not required to live by “I have to” or “I must” – everything we do is a result of a decision…a choice. Choices made in our younger years and choices made this morning when we woke up. Everything is a choice: to obey or disobey; to study or not study; to eat right or not eat right. When making these choices, we control everything about our lives including our future and our level of self-awareness. When you see a wise, confident, beautiful person – it’s not luck, it’s choice. Once you realize and accept this, only then can you begin to become who it is you want to be. All of us are given gifts…special gifts and talents. Through self-discovery, we are able to identify these gifts. If we pay attention to who we are and what makes us happy, we will make the right choices to set our own future.
2. EVALUATE
Who are you? Look at yourself and be honest. Write on a piece of paper the things you like (Pros) and don’t like (Cons) about you. If you are (and you should be) your own best friend, you should be able to take a look at the Cons and develop a plan to begin moving those negatives over to the positive side. Likewise, you should take a look at your Pros and develop a plan to make sure those positive attributes remain on the positive side and continue to grow on the inside AND the outside of you. As you work out a plan, try to find people with like personalities who share your same goals. These are the very people that will make great friends and help you stay on your set path.
3. CONFIRM
Talk to yourself! Still using your list of Pros, begin reinforcing the positive attributes of your personality. I AM…. “I am successful”, “I am pretty”, “I am fun!”... every positive thought should be repeated often – YOU are WHAT you THINK!!!
4. FORGIVE
Forgive yourself for screw ups! They happen to all of us! We are as imperfect as our bodies!! Give yourself a break – forgive and move on. You can’t change the past – but you can live in the present and affect the future!
5. REST
Treat yourself right. Be a friend, a good listener, a giver, not a taker – we feel the best about ourselves when we make someone else smile.
6. BE THANKFUL
Gratitude will get you everywhere. Give thanks to your creator. Be humble in all you have. Pray for those with cold hearts or sad lives. Really know what you have; all of the gifts, talents, and things you possess. Here today, gone tomorrow…if you live your life with gratitude and love, peace will always be in your presence.
7. ACCEPTANCE
Do not accept your fate dictated by others. Accept only the fate you give yourself. Through acts of kindness and focused determination, you can achieve all that is good in this life. When you believe in kindness and in yourself – you can achieve anything. At that point self-esteem is abundant and so is your life.
Know yourself. Like yourself. Live your life like everyone is only in their underwear!
Source: www.easyarticles.com
About the Author: Sandy Heinz is the co-founder and CEO of Good 2ba Girl. She lives in Virginia with her husband and three children. Sandy grew up in a large family (6 sisters, 1 brother) and learned to develop and nurture relationships at a very young age. She left Corporate America in 2002 to embark on a new career of providing insight, educating and helping people build strong relationships. Questions or comments can be directed to Sandy at sandy@good2bagirl.net or visit Gigi’s Community for more tips and information on relationships.
