visualize Your Goal - A Philadelphia Life Coach Tells You Why and How
The first step in any life change is to visualize what it is that you want for yourself. Before you can plan the necessary action, you need to know where you are heading. To do this you must visualize your goal.
Conceptualize Your Goal in Positive Terms
The desire to change is usually motivated by dissatisfaction with the present situation. Because of this, when it's time to identify your goals, you may think in terms of what you want to get rid of.
The problem with focusing on what you don't want is that it doesn't really help you to identify what it is that you do want. You can see what you are moving away from but you lack clear objective regarding where you want to go.
When you conceptualize your goals in positive terms you give yourself direction:
What is it that you really want?
What would feel right for you?
If you could write your own script and have things turn out exactly as you want them to, what would the outcome be?
Knowing where you want to go tells you where you are heading. Once you have clear direction, the steps you need to take will become apparent.
You Can Visualize Your Goal, Even If You Don't Know How You Will Achieve It.
You may resist visualizing your goal if you have no idea how you are going to get from here to there. It is important, however, to recognize that knowing where you want to go provides necessary direction that will inform the steps you need to take.
Once you know where you are headed, it becomes much easier to identify the steps to get there. You will become alert to possibilities you might not have noticed, were you not focused on your goal.
How To Visualize Your Goals
While thoughts about how you'd like things to be may come and go, it is valuable to set time aside to focus on your goals. This process can provide clarity, which will help you to find direction.
1. Give yourself some time when you know you will be uninterrupted.
Sit down, take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to relax. Or, if inspiration comes more easily when you are taking a walk or a run or swimming laps, use that time to imagine what it is you want for yourself. What's important is that you give yourself space and time to really focus on how you want your future to be.
2. Now, ask yourself "What is it that I really want here?"
Don't try to figure out the answer to this question. Instead, allow some time for the awareness of your goal to emerge. Be open to anything that comes to you.
3. Imagine that you have achieved your goal.
Notice how you feel with your goal accomplished. Be aware of any unexpected consequences that come to mind as you imagine your goal fulfilled.
If potential unforeseen consequences came to mind when you imagined your vision fulfilled, give yourself plenty of opportunity to address any questions raised. Be very patient with the process.
Suspend judgment for now This is a creative process, like brainstorming. Quiet any critical voice that says "You could never do that!" or "That's impossible!" Encourage yourself to dream big. Later on you will have plenty of opportunity to assess the feasibility of your vision and explore ways you can implement it.
You may need to allow a few days or even weeks for the details of your vision to take form. Be open to any additional inspiration that comes to you after you initially visualize your goal.
You can keep track of your vision as it evolves by keeping a journal in which you record the insights you receive. Taking notes will enable you to feel confident that you won't forget any of the details.
Once your goal is clear, you can explore the possibilities for achieving it. Through this process the 'how to's' will become apparent. Your initial vision may be modified in the process, but you will be moving in the right direction toward making your good life better!
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Drawing on skills and expertise developed over 30 years experience, Jeannette Samanen Ph.D. provides effective life coaching, empowering you to achieve your goals. Subscribe to her "Make Your Good Life Better" newsletter at http://www.achieveyourgoals.com .
Learning How To Overcome Self-sabotage
It's easy to forget just how powerful our subconscious minds can be. We are often completely unaware of how our actions (or inactions) are affecting our lives. We may complain that things never work out for us, we have bad luck, or we just don't have what it takes to be successful. What we fail to realize is that we are actually creating our own circumstances through subconscious self-sabotage. In order to overcome self-sabotage we first have to use conscious awareness to explore our emotions and fears, and understand how they influence our actions. Once we have determined the cause of the destructive behavior, we can then take steps to prevent it from happening in the future.
What's really happening when we sabotage ourselves? Subconsciously, we may be frightened by a particular outcome, even though we say we want it. Take, for example, losing weight. Many overweight people have struggled for years, tried diet after diet, and still can't lose the weight (or keep it off). They berate themselves, push themselves harder, and try to force the weight off. But what's happening beneath the surface? Do they really want to lose their excess pounds? They may say they do, but what if their layers of fat are providing a sense of protection and security in an uncertain world? What if they feel the need to cover up and conceal themselves? Losing weight then becomes a threatening, frightening possibility. So they might sabotage their diet efforts in order to avoid feeling too vulnerable and exposed. Even though they say they want to lose weight (and even believe they do) they still might set themselves up for failure by sneaking food, skipping exercise, and then making a promise that they'll try harder tomorrow.
Others may be intimidated by something as simple as starting a new job. Did you know that there are a surprisingly high number of people who don’t show up for job interviews, even for highly-desirable positions? Let's look at another example: Perhaps a stay-at-home-mom decides she needs to return to the workforce to earn money for her family. What she really wants is to stay home with her children, but she feels obligated to get a job outside the home. So instead of applying for the perfect position, she applies for jobs that she knows she's not qualified for, or jobs that require hours incompatible with her family's schedule so she has to turn down the job if it's offered. Subconsciously, that's her way of ensuring she won’t have to leave home, and at least she can say she "tried" to get a job.
Those who self-sabotage may also be afraid of what others will think of them should they accomplish their goals. They might not believe they're worthy of the outcome, so they act in ways that will ensure their failure.
These destructive efforts are done subconsciously, so even the saboteurs have fooled themselves into thinking they know what they want. If there is any uncertainty in their mind, any doubt, any fear, they will find a way to make sure it doesn't happen.
Perhaps this describes you? Have you sabotaged yourself in the past? Are you still doing it now? Are you not able to move forward with your goals, no matter how hard you try?
Fortunately we CAN overcome self-sabotage. The most important step to stopping self-sabotaging behavior is to recognize that it's happening. We must develop a conscious awareness of our thoughts, emotions, and actions.
If you've been struggling with a certain goal and things just don't seem to be working out for you, take a look at the setbacks that were encountered and evaluate the situation. Could any of the obstacles have been avoided by making wiser choices on your part? Are there a significantly high number of obstacles that have arisen for this one particular goal? If so, you may be self-sabotaging yourself.
A great way to get in touch with your subconscious mind is by spending time in quiet meditation. Ask yourself what you're afraid of. What fears do you have? What uncertainties? What makes you feel uncomfortable about this goal? For what reasons would you try to hold yourself back? Using a journal to write these questions and answers can help too, because writing can help you to connect with the deepest part of yourself. It might take time and practice, but exploring these possibilities can dramatically help you to get out of the self-sabotage rut.
When we finally understand that we are in control of our own success, we will be set free from all limitations! By developing clarity and insight about the outcomes we want to create, and the awareness for potential setbacks, we can stop the self-sabotage and focus our energies on working toward new goals that we will fully support in every way. We will then look back one day and see that instead of being our own worst saboteur, we have become our best supporter.
By: Wendy Betterini
Source: http://www.articledashboard.com
Wendy Betterini is a freelance writer who strives to motivate, uplift, and inspire you to make your dreams a reality. Visit her website, www.WingsForTheHeart.com for more positive thoughts to help you on your journey.
Self improvement and success go hand in hand
How do you know if a person is willing to attain self improvement? This is a question with no definite answer. It will all depend on the individual.
Many people have goals, dreams or ambitions but do not know how to go about achieving them. They may have thought about what would make up self improvement and their ideal life, but have no idea how to even begin to make the plans and take the actions required to make them a reality.
Some people have a vague idea on how to go about self improvement. These are the ones that believe that if only they had a better job, or had been given better opportunities, or met the love of their life, or whatever else, everything would be fine and they would be happy.
They feel that their happiness or lack of happiness is decided by external factors and their thoughts and actions are of little consequence.
Some believe that if only they had more money they could have whatever they want and be on their way to self improvement.
They may have spent little time thinking about what they actually want from life, and do not really believe there is anything they can do to create their fuzzy version of utopia anyway, apart from buying more lottery tickets.
Other people do not even know what they actually want from their lives and may even have little idea what would really makes them happy. They seem to just drift from day to day, week to week, month to month, and year to year, and do little more than just about get by.
They may have seemingly secure jobs and be earning enough to live relatively comfortable lives. They seem happy enough and have no great ambition to achieve anything more from their lives than they currently have.
Is self improvement important?
The reality is that throughout our lives we are all constantly growing and developing. Circumstances make us grow and develop, even if we do not make the conscious decision to do so.
Up to a certain age, we learn through formal education and we continue to learn through our experiences for the rest of our lives. We have to learn and grow to deal with everything that life throws at us. We all have to go through self improvement.
Modern life moves at a dramatically faster pace than at anytime in history. For anyone living in modern society there are more opportunities to do anything that you want to do with your life than ever before.
But there is also more competition than ever before, and ever changing technology means that there really are few, if any ‘jobs for life’ anymore. It is now normal not only to change jobs quite often throughout our working lives, but even to completely change careers and industries.
Because the workplace is so competitive, people who are ambitious and hungry for success know they need to learn new skills and knowledge to keep ahead of the pack. To attain this, self improvement is needed.
These are the people that will be most likely to keep their jobs, or progress within their chosen field, or that will be readily employable in different organizations or industries.
A commitment to self improvement and personal growth may well be the deciding factor in how anyone’s future will turn out.
13 “FAB” Tips To Go From Whiner To A Winner
1. Center Yourself.
Take in a deep breath. Let it out. Now, breathe in brilliance. Exhale out the burden. Do this three times so you feel more centered.
2. Ask for the Greatest Good.
As Mayor, take a moment and claim your office, and ask that your solutions be for the highest good for all.
3. Set Your Intention.
Set your intention to discover successful scenarios.
4. What Do You Want?
Take a moment to think of something fabulous you'd like to do, be, or have.
5. See It.
Let's say you want to double your income. Picture yourself enjoying the fun and freedom all that dough will give you.
6. Listen Up.
What goes on in your brain when you see yourself in those pictures? Do you hear all the reasons it won't happen? "It's impossible." "I can't make more money." "I got fired from my last job." "I'm not smart enough." Okey-dokey. Thank your Criticism Committee for showing up.
7. Make a Shift.
As Mayor, you are the one in charge of what you tell yourself. You can switch your self-talk.
8. Quick, a Pic.
Think of a way to make $1. Great. Now, think of an idea for making $100. Super. Now, think of an idea that will make $1,000. Excellent. Now, have a million-dollar idea. $1,000.000. Well done! (Every hairbrained concept counts!)
Did you notice how you had different pictures for each?
9. Brainstorming.
Now, instruct your Mental Board to brainstorm solutions—how to manifest the picture of what you want. The best way to come up with a few really good ideas is to start with lots of ideas. They don't have to be good. They don't have to work. They don't even need to make a lot of sense. Just create a downpour of possibilities.
10. Write Them Down.
Jot down your Solution Solutions as they come to you (no editing or peeking from the Criticism Committee, please).
11. Review.
Once you have ten ideas (silly, stupid, and impossible ones count) reevaluate your list. Is there an approach you hadn't thought of? Is there a next step you can explore? Bravo! If not, that's fine too. You can keep playing the game to find the solution, instead of looking at the problem.
12. What You Focus on Grows.
Stay focused on what you want more of and how you can create it.
13. Thank Yourself.
Thank yourself for making a choice to discover the power of positive focus.
About the Author: Eli Davidson built a design company from $17 and a glue gun to 1.5 million in sales in four years. In an 18 month period she lost her business, marriage and health leaving her $88,000 in debt. That was in 1999. Using the system she teaches, she turned her life around. Four years later she had paid off her debt, was living in a million dollar home, and coaching some of the most successful people in America including Emmy, Grammy and Golden Globe winners.
Today, she is a nationally recognized woman’s business expert who shares her ‘Turnaround Techniques’ in her new book, Funky to Fabulous. Eli has been featured on ‘The Today Show’, USA Network, NBC and Fox Television. Contact Eli mailto:info@elidavidson.com or at (310) 842.8076.
Source: http://www.easyarticles.com
Accepting Yourself - Here's How To Start
Are you happy with yourself just the way you are? Do you accept yourself with all your shortcomings? Most people don't. For several reasons.
For instance, society holds certain standards that by their very nature are almost impossible to live up to. You're supposed to strive for the perfect job. The perfect home. The perfect family. The perfect relationship. The perfect body.
When we compare ourselves to this mythical 'ideal person' - it's no wonder we lack self-acceptance!
We live in a society that demands comparison and contrast and competition. But we'll never measure up to the ideal standards of perfection; the ones set up by the unspoken rules of society. Thus we can never accept ourselves. It's a no-win situation:
1. Here's the perfect/ideal person...
2. You must compare yourself to this image...
3. Perfection, by definition, is impossible...
4. Therefore, you lose!
What makes it even worse is that we rarely - if ever - question this situation. We've bought into the lie. We accept that we're unacceptable without ever really stopping to evaluate why.
Which is one of the main reasons we stay stuck in our present condition. Because if you don't accept yourself, what will be your motivation for change? Anger? Ridicule? Derision? Self-loathing?
Is that really the fuel you want to use to better yourself?
Here's another reason so few people have self-acceptance:
We forget we're ALWAYS a work-in-progress. Because we're stuck in time. We tend to see ourselves as standing on a pinnacle, or a plateau, or sadly maybe even a trough. No matter the image, it still seems to be somewhat of a 'concluding statement' about ourselves.
"I am the sum total of all I've been."
True. But that's also going to be true next week, next year, next decade. Because while we can look around us in the present, and we can remember the past; the future seems so unknown... so elusive... so unreal. We tend to believe the future doesn't exist. And it may never exist. All we know is the present and the past.
I may never change because "This is where I've ended up in life."
Guess what? You never end up anywhere in this life. Life is a process. Not a destination. It's not about your 'place' in life - because your place is always changing. Or it should be. It better be. Life is like a river. A never-ending river.
Remember when the sixth-graders looked so big? Then you got to the sixth grade. Then it's the high school kids who looked so big, so cool, so mature. We compare ourselves to others who are more than we are. Without realizing we're on our own path to becoming more.
Self-acceptance makes it much easier to grow and change. Why? Because it gives us something positive to push off from. It gives us something solid to stand on as we reach for more.
The problem is, we often confuse contentment with complacency. We confuse satisfaction with settling. If I'm content and satisfied with who I am and where I am right now (which means I'm accepting myself) then I'm in a stronger position to achieve more.
If I'm complacent; if I've settled - then I'm not likely to do much of anything to change. And this state can be confused with self-acceptance, rather than what it really is - self-resignation.
Admitting who and what you are, admitting your accomplishments, and taking responsibility for them - strengthens you.
"Yes, I want more. Much more. But I'm willing to pause and reflect and be responsible for all I've done up till now."
Do that, and you'll be one step closer to accepting yourself. Plus, by looking for the good, you'll find and create more of it.
Self-acceptance does not come easy. You're up against a lot of negative programming. But reflecting on your accomplishments can be a starting point. Even if you used to be on a peak, and now you're in a trough, there has to be some sort of silver lining. At the very least, you have a greater awareness of life.
Maybe you're ready to accept yourself on a deeper, more profound level. Maybe it's time to love yourself a little more and judge yourself a little less harshly. Maybe today is the day you begin to embrace self-acceptance.
Nobody else can stop you from accepting yourself.
By: Mark Ivar Myhre
Source: http://www.articledashboard.com
Mark Ivar Myhre, The Emotional Healing Wizard, shows you how to accept yourself starting today through the magic of forgiveness. For more information go to www.forgive-yourself.com
Seven Steps to Designing the Life You Deserve
Feel something’s not right in your life? Feeling stuck? Not sure where you’re headed? Are you simply searching for more?
No need to swim against the current of your life, engulfed in frustration. You can take steps today to release what’s holding you back, reshape the direction of your life and sail forward in an effortless flow.
Here are seven steps to transforming your life by design:
1. Accept yourself and your life as they are now! Where you are in your life today right now is precisely where you are supposed to be. Think about it. Your life is your story and it is meant to inspire others to achieve their own personal greatness. Lovingly embrace yourself and your amazing, unique story with open arms.
2. Be grateful. Express gratitude daily for who you are, what you have, and what you do. Start your day with words of thanksgiving. Share your gratitude for others through your words and actions. Let the people in your life know how important they are to you. Remember: being grateful first is a non-negotiable prerequisite for attracting into your life all that you desire and deserve. So give thanks daily.
3. Name your pain. Identify it. Isolate what has you stuck. What is blocking the flow of your life? Relationship issues? Regrets? Anger? Pluck them from the core of your emotional being. Line them all up on the table. Get ready to face your foes. The key is to be completely honest with yourself.
4. Forgive yourself and others. Thank yourself and the others for giving you such powerful life lessons. The act of forgiving is intended to make you a whole person again regardless of the response of the other person. Forgiveness frees you and allows you to embrace with hope the promises of tomorrow.
5. Release the pain and move on. Journal your feelings. Write letters and tear them up. Scream into your pillow. Most importantly, breath through the pain. Life’s lacerations will always be a part of your story but they need not obstruct you from living the life you so bountifully deserve. Stop being a victim. You have only one precious life to live. Let go of what does not serve you and make the decision to move on now! Strive to thrive.
6. Design what you intend to do with your one life. Visualize the reality you know you deserve. Create your vision board. Fill it with pictures, words, and symbols that draw you forward to fulfill the purpose for which you were created. Give yourself permission to dream and dream big. We are meant to live abundantly!
7. Take action daily. Prioritize your daily activities, focusing on those that move you closer to your goals. Be accountable to yourself and others on a daily basis. A willingly and purposefully set high standards for yourself. Joyfully move forward in the direction of your vision. Savor the fine flavor of inner peace and fulfillment that come from actively working the purpose for which you were created.
So step through what stops you. Walk with a definite purpose and work with a definite purpose, offering hope and inspiration to others through your story of success.
Colorize your life by transforming the basic black and white of everyday living into the vibrant, colorful spectrum of possibilities that awaits you.
Choose to change. Choose to be unstoppable. Choose to live a life brimming with abundance. The choice is yours.
About the Author: Businesswoman, Friend, Collaborator, and Team player, Mary Nerburn fulfills her Entrepreneurial Calling by offering a great service that enriches the lives of others. Together with other fellow BraveHeart Community members, her goal is to empower Women to be multi-dimensional success stories and inspiration to others. Be sure to Visit : Be a BraveHeart Woman
Source: http://www.easyarticles.com
FEAR AND REASON.
"In civilized life it has at last become possible for large numbers of people to pass from the cradle to the grave without ever having had a pang of genuine fear. Many of us need an attack of mental disease to teach us the meaning of the word." William James.
We have all heard the seemingly discriminating remarks that fear is normal and abnormal, and that normal fear is to be regarded as a friend, while abnormal fear should be destroyed as an enemy.
The fact is that no so called normal fear can be named which has not been clearly absent in some people who have had every cause therefor. If you will run over human history in your mind, or look about yea in the present life, you will find here and there persons who, in situations or before objects which ought, as any fearful soul will insist, to inspire the feeling of at least normal self-protecting fear, are nevertheless wholly without the feeling. They possess every feeling and thought demanded except fear. The idea of self-preservation is as strongly present as with the most abjectly timid or terrified, but fear they do not know. This fearless awareness of fear suggesting conditions may be due to several causes. It may result from constitutional make-up, or from long continued training or habituation, or from religious ecstasy, or from a perfectly calm sense of spiritual selfhood which is unhurtable, or from the action of very exalted reason. Whatever the explanation, the fact remains: the very causes which excite fear in most of us, merely appeal, with such people, if at all. to the instinct of self-preservation and to reason, the thought-element of the soul which makes for personal peace and wholeness.
Banish all fear.
It is on such considerations that I have come to hold that all real fear-feeling should and may be banished from our life, and that what we call "normal fear" should be substituted in our language by "instinct" or by "reason," the element of fear being dropped altogether.
"Everyone can testify that the psychical state called fear consists of mental representations of certain painful results" (James). The mental representations may be very faint as such, but the idea of hurt to self is surely present. If, then, it can be profoundly believed that the real self cannot be hurt; if the reason can be brought to consider vividly and believingly all quieting considerations; if the self can be held consciously in the assurance that the White Life surrounds the true self, and is surely within that self, and will suffer "no evil to come nigh," while all the instincts of self preservation may be perfectly active, fear itself must be removed "as far as the east is from the west."
These are the ways, then, in which any occasion for fear may be divided:
As a warning and as a maker of panic. But let us say that the warning should be understood as given to reason, that fear need not appear at all, and that the panic is perfectly useless pain. With these discriminations in mind, we may now go on to a preliminary study of fear.
preliminary study of fear.
Fear is (a) an impulse, (b) a habit, (c) a disease.
Fear, as it exists in man, is a make-believe of sanity, a creature of the imagination, a state of insanity.
Furthermore, fear is, now of the nerves, now of the mind, now of the moral consciousness.
The division depends upon the point of view. What is commonly called normal fear should give place to reason, using the word to cover instinct as well as thought. From the correct point of view all fear is an evil so long as entertained.
Whatever its manifestations, wherever its apparent location, fear is a psychic state, of course, reacting upon the individual in several ways: as, in the nerves, in mental moods, in a single impulse, in a chronic habit, in a totally unbalanced condition. The reaction has always a good intention, meaning, in each case, "Take care! Danger!" You will see that this is so if you will look for a moment at three comprehensive kinds of fear fear of self, fear for self, fear for others. Fear of self is indirectly fear for self danger. Fear for others signifies foresensed or forepictured distress to self because of anticipated misfortune to others. I often wonder whether, when we fear for others, it is distress to self or hurt to them that is most emphatically in our thought.
Fear, then, is usually regarded as the soul's danger signal. But the true signal is instinctive and thoughtful reason.
Even instinct and reason, acting as warning, may perform their duty abnormally, or assume abnormal proportions. And then we have the feeling of fear. The normal warning is induced by actual danger apprehended by mind in a state of balance and self-control. Normal mind is always capable of such warning. There are but two ways in which so-called normal fear, acting in the guise of reason, may be annihilated: by the substitution of reason for fear, and by the assurance of the white life.
Let it be understood, now, that by normal fear is here meant normal reason real fear being denied place and function altogether. Then we may say that such action of reason is a benefactor to man. It is, with pain and weariness, the philanthropy of the nature of things within us.
One person said: "Tired? No such word in my house!" Now this cannot be a sound and healthy attitude. Weariness, at a certain stage of effort, is a signal to stop work. When one becomes so absorbed in labor as to lose consciousness of the feeling of weariness, he has issued a "hurry call" on death. I do not deny that the soul may cultivate a sublime sense of buoyancy and power; rather do I urge you to seek that beautiful condition; but I hold that when a belief or a hallucination refuses to permit you to hear the warning of nerves and muscles, Nature will work disaster inevitably. Let us stand for the larger liberty which is joyously free to take advantage of everything Nature may offer for true well-being. There is a partial liberty which tries to realize itself by denying various realities as real; there is a higher liberty which really realizes itself by conceding such realities as real and by using or disusing them as occasion may require in the interest of the self at its best. I hold this to be true wisdom: to take advantage of everything which evidently promises good to the self, without regard to this or that theory, and freely to use all things, material or immaterial, reasonable or spiritual. I embrace your science or your method; but I beg to ignore your bondage to philosophy or to consistency. So I say that to normal health the weary-sense is a rational command to replenish exhausted nerves and muscles.
It is not liberty, it is not healthful, to declare, "There is no pain!" Pain does exist, whatever you affirm, and your affirmation that it does not is proof that it does exist, for why (and how) declare the non-existence of that which actually is non-existent? But if you say, "As a matter of fact I have pain, but I am earnestly striving to ignore it, and to cultivate thought-health so that the cause of pain may be removed," that is sane and beautiful. This is the commendable attitude of the Bible character who cried: "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." To undertake swamping pain with a cloud of psychological fog that is to turn anarchist against the good government of Nature. By pain Nature informs the individual that he is somewhere out of order. This warning is normal. The feeling becomes abnormal in the mind when imagination twangs the nerves with reiterated irritation, and Will, confused by the discord and the psychic chaos, cowers and shivers with fear.
I do not say there is no such thing as fear. Fear does exist. But it exists in your life by your permission only, not because it is needful as a warning against "evil."
Fear is induced by unduly magnifying actual danger, or by conjuring up fictitious dangers through excessive and misdirected psychical reactions. This also may be taken as a signal of danger, but it is a falsely-intentioned witness, for it is not needed, is hostile to the individual because it threatens self-control and it absorbs life's forces in useless and destructive work when they ought to be engaged in creating values.
Learn about building high Self-Esteem
Self esteem is something that every person should have and the loss of it in a person spell disaster. Just like anything that a person has to have, a person should work at building his or her self esteem. Before one can do that, there is a need to know things about self esteem. Self esteem is how a person perceives his or herself. There are various factors that a person should have a positive attitude about including the value he or she gives to him or herself as a human being, his or her career and his or her achievements in order to develop a high self esteem.
That is only for starters, one has to go deeper an see a positive meaning to one’s place in the world and as well as one’s purpose in life. In looking at the future, there should be optimism while evaluating one’s potential to be successful by working on one’s weaknesses and highlighting the strengths. Last but certainly not the least a person has to have independence or the capacity to stand on his or her own to feet because being independent is one good way to start building a high self esteem.
Knowing all these things will help a great deal but there might also be other factors that you want to add but this is a really good start already. You might get from the very long first paragraph that building high self esteem is all about the individual and that is true because your self worth is obviously based on how the individual sees his or himself.
However the people surrounding a person also has an impact on the self esteem of the individual concerned especially the people with whom the person has a close relationship with. This is the reason why there are a lot of cases of damaged self esteems that are somehow related to emotional and physical battery as well as milder cases of heartbreaks for the teenagers.
Getting back on your feet has a lot to do with getting that self esteem back after a shattering experience. It does not matter if you work on building it slowly so long as you are focused at getting your high self esteem back to where it belongs.
The importance of high self esteem is one thing that we cannot ignore because it is very crucial as a cornerstone to a happy living. Having a high level of this aspect of yourself will make you highly motivated to work at achieving your goals will give you the right attitude to be successful in whatever endeavor one chooses to take.
In fact in a CNN interview with Robert Wagner by the legend Larry King, he was quoted as saying that “I would tell them the most important thing is to work on your self esteem, that is the best advice I can give.” Take it from someone who knows what he is talking about and to one who walked the talk. So for those who have low self esteem, look within yourselves and discover that there is so much about you that you can be proud of.
For those who are lucky enough to already be working on building high self esteem, keep up with your good work and hopefully nothing will ever crush you should something very challenging come your way.
PERSONAL MAGNETISM.
Let us understand. You cannot reasonably hope to succeed by merely dreaming about success.
You surely cannot achieve success if you plunge blindly through your career.
You cannot really succeed without possessing some degree of personal magnetism.
When you began reading this article, you certainly possessed a measure of magnetic capacity, either physical or psychic. If you have energetically observed its directions, you have developed both varieties; but, above that, you have also combined them into one living whole, the magnetic personality.
This result has required at least a year of persistent effort. If you have arrived at this point in less time, you should go back and begin where haste first retarded your progress.
Magnetism is a natural growth.
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No matter how great may be your ability to read and understand books, that growth, that law, require time as well as intelligent effort. No matter how poor may be your ability in such respect, that growth is absolutely certain if you put reasonable time and genuine effort into its acquisition.
The giant trees of California were once puny saplings. The slow lapse of time has drawn nature into their mighty hearts. Magnetism can no more be acquired by the mere reading an article, or by hurried practice of its directions, than can these giants of the West be produced in the hot-house culture of a northern summer.
Magnetic growth is naturally slow. Its principles, its methods, and the results of its study, have to be deeply sunk into and absorbed and assimilated by the subjective self before the reaction of magnetism in the objective life can obtain. If you have read these lines correctly, you have learned that magnetic growth cannot be hurried. These statements are placed here because, had they appeared at the beginning of our work, the outlook would have seemed, perhaps, discouraging, but more especially because they would not have been understood. You now understand them because you have toiled, and you can afford to smile at such possible discouragement. You have paid an easy price for magnetic power, for the gains discount the pains.
Magnetism and practical life.
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The faithful observance of these suggestions has developed many surprises during the time occupied. The growth of magnetism involves intense and continuous concentration of thought upon the psychic field, and it is very likely that you may find it necessary to guard against that danger. The method of so guarding is briefly indicated below.
The sole value of magnetism consists in its practical application to everyday affairs. Success-Magnetism is not an accomplishment merely; it is a practical power. When rightly developed and used, it controls the subjective self in the concrete work of the objective. The definition of the goal you have been seeking now appears:
Success-magnetism is personal magnetism intelligently multiplied into actual life.
The first duty of man is practical sanity.
30 Days To Success: For Big Changes And Small
Changes that can be adopted for 30 days can last a lifetime. But adopting habits or changes for 30 days gives benefits even if the changes are small. These benefits include increased confidence, discipline, and the feelings of success and accomplishment.
For example, stopping smoking for 30 days might be a particularly tough goal for some people -- although, it's certainly easier than imagining yourself quitting forever. (Of course, once you've quit for 30 days, who'd want to start back up?)
On the other hand, paying someone a compliment each day for 30 days is probably a bit easier to handle. It's not as stressful and, to be honest, it could actually be fun. After 30 days, of paying complements you'll probably find that you are more inclined to compliment people in general. As a result you'll likely make friends a bit easier and have more success in any situation where you have to interact with other people. Just because the 30 day goal you set isn't big, that doesn't mean it isn't useful or valuable.
The first 30 day goal I set, for example, was to not drink any alcohol for 30 days. I'd been going through a difficult personal time and had started drinking more than was normal for me. I wasn't having major problems, but still -- I knew I needed to cut back. I'd been telling myself I needed to cut back but I just hadn't been able to get started. The idea of just stopping for 30 days seemed like it wouldn't be too hard. I was able to accomplish this 30 day goal and I felt great -- I felt a real sense of accomplishment! It went quickly and I felt real success!
And I noticed a real impact on my life as well. I wasn't as tired each morning and, as a result, had an easier time getting up to exercise before work. After 30 days I was able to choose whether or not I wanted to go back to drinking (now I occasionally have a glass or two of wine). I feel good about the choices I've made.
Starting with a relatively small goal was the right thing for me. It had immediate positive impacts, plus gave me confidence. It was just what I needed to break my routine and make the changes I wanted.
30 days to success with small things -- or with big things -- is a simple, quick way to grab some immediate success and get immediate results. It's a success plan we can all work with.
Here are some small 30 Days Success Plans you can use to get started.
· Compliment someone each day for 30 days.
· Call a friend or family member each day for 30 days
· Say "I Love You" or give your partner a "good kiss" at least once a day for 30 days
· Eat vegetables each day
· Pack a lunch instead of buying lunch
· Go on a "news fast" and avoid reading newspapers, news websites and or watching TV news
· Clean or de-clutter one one small area in your home each day
By: Kevin Bedell
Source: http://www.articledashboard.com
Kevin Bedell is a published author, experienced editor and writer, and founder of the '30 Days to Success" website (30days.itious.com).
BUILD YOUR SELF ESTEEM, A STARTER GUIDE TO SELF IMPROVEMENT
So how do you stay calm, composed and maintain self esteem in a tough environment? Here are some tips you may to consider as a starter guide to self improvement.
Imagine yourself as a Dart Board. Everything and everyone else around you may become Dart Pins, at one point or another. These dart pins will destroy your self esteem and pull you down in ways you won’t even remember. Don’t let them destroy you, or get the best of you. So which dart pins should you avoid?
Dart Pin #1 :
Negative Work Environment
Beware of “dog eat dog” theory where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead. This is where non- appreciative people usually thrive. No one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss lunch and dinner, and stay up late.
Most of the time you get to work too much without getting help from people concerned. Stay out of this, it will ruin your self esteem. Competition is at stake anywhere. Be healthy enough to compete, but in a healthy competition that is.
Dart Pin #2:
Other People’s Behavior
Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, people walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, sluffers… all these kinds of people will pose bad vibes for your self esteem, as well as to your self improvement scheme.
Dart Pin #3:
Changing Environment
You can’t be a green bug on a brown field. Changes challenge our paradigms. It tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. Changes will make life difficult for awhile, it may cause stress but it will help us find ways to improve our selves. Change will be there forever, we must be susceptible to it.
Dart Pin #4:
Past Experience
It’s okay to cry and say “ouch!” when we experience pain. But don’t let pain transform itself into fear. It might grab you by the tail and swing you around. Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson.
Dart Pin #5:
Negative World View
Look at what you’re looking at. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building self esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of worst situations.
Dart Pin #6:
Determination Theory
The way you are and your behavioral traits is said to be a mixed end product of your inherited traits (genetics), your upbringing (psychic), and your environmental surroundings such as your spouse, the company, the economy or your circle of friends. You have your own identity. If your father is a failure, it doesn’t mean you have to be a failure too. Learn from other people’s experience, so you’ll never have to encounter the same mistakes.
Sometimes, you may want to wonder if some people are born leaders or positive thinkers.
NO. Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building self esteem and drawing lines for self improvement is a choice, not a rule or a talent. God wouldn’t come down from heaven and tell you –
“George, you may now have the permission to build self esteem and improve your self.”
In life, its hard to stay tough specially when things and people around you keep pulling you down. When we get to the battle field, we should choose the right luggage to bring and armors to use, and pick those that are bullet proof. Life’s options give us arrays of more options. Along the battle, we will get hit and bruised.
And wearing a bullet proof armor ideally means ‘self change’. The kind of change which comes from within. Voluntarily. Armor or Self Change changes 3 things: our attitude, our behavior and our way of thinking.
Building self esteem will eventually lead to self improvement if we start to become responsible for who we are, what we have and what we do. Its like a flame that should gradually spread like a brush fire from inside and out. When we develop self esteem, we take control of our mission, values and discipline. Self esteem brings about self improvement, true assessment, and determination. So how do you start putting up the building blocks of self esteem? Be positive. Be contented and happy. Be appreciative. Never miss an opportunity to compliment. A positive way of living will help you build self esteem, your starter guide to self improvement.
How to Conquer Your Fears
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by fear - so much so that it prevented you from doing something you wanted to do? Believe it or not, this is a common problem faced by many people daily.
Fear has the power to hold you back from taking risks, following your dreams, or becoming successful at anything you attempt to do. If you allow it to control you for long enough, it can eventually erode your quality of life and keep you locked in a prison of inactivity.
What many people fail to realize is that fear is nothing more than a conditioned response. It's a natural reaction to a frightening or unfamiliar situation. While it is usually automatic, there are things you can do to overcome it.
1) Check your expectations.
One major contributor of fear is the prevalence of negative expectations. Do you usually find yourself expecting the worst in every situation? Do you worry obsessively about what could go wrong, rather than focusing on your strengths and capabilities?
If you make a conscious effort to expect the best, see the positive side of each situation and keep reminding yourself that you can handle more than you often think, you'll find yourself with much less fear to deal with. Even if feelings of fear do manage to creep into your consciousness, you'll still be able to keep them in perspective and balance them against an underlying sense of confidence.
2) Discredit your fears.
Experts will tell you that the majority of things you fear will never come to pass anyway. While this may be true, it sure doesn't feel that way when fear has a chokehold on you! However, if you look a little more closely at your fears when they arise, you may be able to dismiss at least a few.
For example, if you have a fear of public speaking and your boss wants you to give a presentation at work, you might feel like your life (and perhaps your livelihood) is on the line. You may fear getting fired, or worry that your colleagues will lose respect for you if you don't do a good job.
But is any of this likely to happen? In most cases, no. Rather than worrying about what "might" happen if you don't give a solid presentation, you might brainstorm ways to help improve your performance, such as being well prepared, practicing your delivery on friends and family members, writing notes to yourself and so on.
3) Do the very thing you fear.
When you remember that fear is simply a feeling, it loses much of its power. It can't harm you and except in truly threatening situations you can choose to ignore it and move forward anyway.
If you weigh the pros and cons in any situation, you may decide that the possibility of negative consequences is minimal so there's nothing to stop you from ignoring your fear and going for it! This will be determined by you on a case by case basis, of course. The point isn't to become reckless with your decision-making but rather to empower yourself to know when a fear is groundless and easily overcome.
Success, Personal Growth – Do You Know The One Thing You Can Rely On To Always Be There?
It is good to have something to rely on, something that is always there in an ever changing world. You can be comfortable knowing that this thing will always remain the same…
What most people are afraid of is that the one thing that you can rely on is…
Change. We are constantly changing beings living in a universe that is constantly changing. You must learn to adapt to this reality and become comfortable with it.
Many people like to build their comfort zones and then stay there. Their comfort zones have clearly defined unchanging boundaries that prescribe the limits of their lives. It’s pleasant and secure to be in one of these comfort zones until…
The company goes bust, an unforeseen event happens, you wake up one day dissatisfied, wondering what’s over the wall outside your comfort zone.
On the other hand successful people openly embrace change, they welcome the personal growth opportunities it brings, they actively step outside their comfort zones, some even live outside their comfort zones.
Which are you?
Change is the universal law
You have to understand that change is the universal law that applies at all levels everywhere. The universe we live in started as a minute speck of super-concentrated matter that exploded into the universe as we know it today (the “big bang”). That universe is in constant change. Scientists have long discounted the notion that the universe is steady and unchanging.
The planet we live on was born 4 billion years ago, it has been changing every since. Life has blossomed on this planet. The records captured in rocks, which themselves are constantly forming and reforming, show that it has developed through an astounding series of changes leading to us…
Even you are not constant. Physically your body is constantly changing, old cells die, new ones are recreated. You are surrounded by billions of people living in an ever evolving network of global societies and cultures.
It’s not surprising that your mind is in constant flux. You are constantly growing and developing, new ideas are becoming embedded, old ideas are being pushed into the dim recesses of your memory banks.
Yet many people actively resist change. They are driven by fear of failure, fear of rejection and other negative emotions. Rejecting change means that they won’t be threatened by the consequences of that change, they won’t have work to integrate the changes into their minds and their lives, they will not fail in a new challenge and so on…
A very few people, the people who are successful and want personal growth, recognise that change is an inevitable feature of everything that surrounds them. They actively embrace change. If you want to share their success, you need to become comfortable with the fact that you will need to mirror the constantly changing nature of the universe that surrounds you.
When you embrace change, you see it as an opportunity to learn new skills, develop new capabilities, to grow as a person and be more successful. Change means that there will be new openings for your talents to create an impact on the world around you.
Even if you try your hardest to stay the same, you are a constantly changing being living in a constantly changing universe. You should embrace change and actively seek out opportunities to step outside your comfort zone. If you learn to adapt to constant change, the inevitable changes that will take place during your lifetime will be less of a threat. Even better, you will be come into contact with and be able to grasp many more opportunities for success and personal growth!
By: Kevin John
Source: http://www.articledashboard.com
Would you like to learn more about success, personal growth? Download my latest e-book here Secrets of a Millionaire Mindset . Kevin John has spent many years helping businesses owners, aspiring business owners, and private individuals to achieve success.
Set Goals for Self-improvement
In order to succeed or accomplish anything in life you must first set goals. It is especially a must for any person interested in self-improvement. With that said, one of the first sets of goals should be on self-improvement.
But remember "What you achieve through the journey of life is not as important as who you become" - Author Unknown.
Go ahead and take the actions and steps necessary to make your goal of self-improvement in some area of your life into a reality. A good example of this is how athletes will compare their current performance to their own previous performances with self-improvement being the number one goal.
Below are six goal-setting actions to help you realize your goals:
1. Begin with short-term goals that will build upon themselves and lead you to long-term ones.
If you have a big task, like becoming debt free, break it into smaller steps which will help you stay focused and on course. You will feel good as you reach each goal, keeping you motivated and ready for the next one.
2. Make sure you really want the goal. It is very important that the goals you choose are yours and not someone else's goals set for you. If deep down you are not committed to the goals, you will only put off achieving it.
3. Share your goals with others. By doing this you will gain support you need from others. Make sure you share with those who will encourage you and not with those who will give you negative feedback.
4. Write down your goals. Create a written statement of goals and sign it. This will reinforce your commitment and give you a map for success. Also, when times get tough you can read your statement to help motivate you.
5. Stay the course and don't give up. There is nothing more satisfying in life then when you complete a goal. Being successful once turns into many. It can become quite additive.
6. Rejoice and celebrate. Take time to savor the moment. You worked hard and found out that by being committed and dedicated your goals were met.
There you have it, six basic steps that will aid you on your journey to successfully obtaining your goals. All though all six steps are important the one that stands out the most is number 1. If you can't break your goal down into bit size portions you will always put it off or procrastinate. And you know what happens when one procrastinates...nothing gets done. Good luck.
Dennis Watson - Just helping others succeed.
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Sail The Seven C's To Arrive At Positive Change
“Here a problem, there a problem, everywhere a problem, problem, oh McDonald had a problem, E, I, E, I, O, OH NO!” The world is full of problems, just ask any cynic. Perhaps, you’re reading this because you want to be a problem solver, or hopefully, you are looking for ideas to serve as a lighthouse to guide you in making a constructive transformation of some sort in the microcosm of your locale, business, place of employment, or even the greater global community. If you are motivated to make a positive difference somehow, someway, you are invited to continue.
Margaret Mead said: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, devoted citizens can change the world; indeed it is the only thing that has.”
Here is the course these citizens have navigated to reach their destination and so can you.
1. Conviction
2. Courage
3. Counsel
4. Craft
5. Cooperation
6. Communication
7. Commitment
We all have at least one problem that we are passionate about solving. This passion is the Conviction. The issue could be an unfair practice at work, increasing productivity, taking care of employee’s interests, or filling a market niche and increasing exposure. There could be a need for a fence around a school campus for child safety or even an absurd zoning regulation that should experience extinction. It might even be a larger task of bringing peace to a civil war. Conviction is always the first and easiest part of the journey. It is also the closest to the harbor of non-involvement.
Courage is the fortitude to step forth and become involved. It also requires that we assess our attributes, attitude, and resources while looking forward at Commitment. The spark of Courage comes from within, but can be fanned into a formidable blaze with the winds of support and fueled with victories. Gain inner strength from meditation on positive words, inspirational experiences, and principles. Courage is the fortress of character that will sustain you through to the success of a positive change.
Counsel, the third “C”, may involve more that just seeking advice from friends or others who have traversed a course similar to your undertaking. The gathering of as much information and ideas as possible is a large ocean of consideration. Here are just a few of its tides. What is the underlying cause? How did the problem arise? What could have prevented it? Who, what, and to what extant are the effects of the condition? Who, what, and to what extant will a solution produce affects? What have been or are the possible obstacles? What may be the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial expenses and liabilities? What are the rights and responsibilities of all involved? Who will be responsible for maintenance of the solution? The process of Counseling may necessitate the services of an attorney to look at the legal issues, required paperwork, and ramifications. Keep in mind that it’s a mathematical certainty, the more data collected, the greater the possibilities for the next “C”.
Once you’ve spent an impressive tour in the waters of Counsel, Craft a map of creative solutions. Transcribe in detail the prospective routes. This will be beneficial through the remaining “C’s”. You’ll need to draft blueprints to pass the doldrums of apathy and indifference, as well as, strategies to affront the hurricanes of skepticisms and tsunamis of intolerance.
Next, network Cooperation from as many individuals, organizations, and businesses as you can that may possibly have a stake in the outcome of the resolved problem. There have been volumes written on techniques for networking, particularly in the realm of business. If you are not familiar with recent discussion on this topic, take the time and effort to do so. Within this “C” you may also need to allocate responsibility.
Communicate the objectives, articulate ideas, impart information, share feelings and feedback. This must be a multi-directional, fluid process throughout your network. Communication should be a haven where each feels safe from storms of emotions and treacherous reefs of self-centeredness. Communication needs inlets of openness where all the shipmates are respected. Locate the placid bays where tacit whispers of ideas can be heard, for here may be found a treasure chest of possibilities. How this “C” is crossed determines the success or failure of the voyage.
Commitment can be the most arduous “C” to navigate. It may entail a return to one or more of the previous “C’s” for continued buoyancy and not sinking from the onslaught of the monsters of doubt and new problems that have surfaced. You may come across false successes as Sirens alluring you from the true goals. Undoubtedly, you will also experience the icebergs of setback, threatening to put a tragic end to your gallant journey. Consequently, select a theme, adopt a saying, a religious verse, a motto, or creed. Such a statement of belief will aid in keeping your sights focused on the new shore, the destination of resolution and the treasures to be achieved.
You could be a new seaman or an experienced captain, non-the-less, use this as your sextant for setting sail. When you have reached the territory of a successful resolution consider another adventure, a new exploration in discovering a problem to be conquered in the name of positive change.
“Bon Voyage”
About the Author: Robert E. Bear is a professional educator and national award winning artist. He has been recognized in Who’s Who In America, Who’s Who In American Education, and National Honor Society Outstanding American Teachers. Robert has created the Star Poster Program, the game of Gig’l®, and the team sport of Bearball®. To view his games, wildlife paintings, and other writings, go to www.ursidaeenterprises.com.
Source: http://www.easyarticles.com
Six Pillar Of Self Esteem – 3 Ways To Raise Your Self Esteem
You want to raise your self esteem, you know it will help you to lead a happier and more successful life. But low self esteem is like a trap. When you have low self esteem, it’s hard to allow yourself to be happy and to respect your own abilities. Here are 3 ideas for making those first steps that don’t need you to leap over enormous barriers.
1. Start Small. Find one or two areas of your life where you want to raise your self esteem – it could be your work, your relationship with someone, or it could be talking to new business contacts. Start by taking small steps.
If the problem is networking to find new business contacts you could then identify one small action that you could take to get started. Rather than trying to impress a whole group of people at once, you could start by just introducing yourself and letting the conversation continue.
Once you’ve established that this is o.k., congratulate yourself, you’re making progress. Now you’re ready to move on to the next step of contributing to the conversation and eventually to presenting your business.
2. Be Willing to take a risk. One of the most debilitating effects of low self esteem is that you can end up unable to take any risks at all. Evaluate the action that you perceive as risky. Is it really that risky? Do lots of other people do it every day? Use positive self talk to encourage yourself to take the risk.
Once you’ve done what you set out to do evaluate the experience. You will be surprised to find that more often than not you were more successful than you expected to be. Let yourself know that you are capable of coping.
3. Focus on your achievements. Work on your self belief by focussing on what you’ve achieved. If you start looking at the things that you perceive as failures, stop immediately. Reset your thinking and ask yourself what did I learn from that, how can I turn it into something good?
Spend some time at the end of every day reviewing what you’ve achieved during the day. Be honest with yourself, you have achieved something every day. Don’t worry if it’s only a tiny step, you’re moving in the right direction.
Always remeber you can break free of low self esteem. Seeking external help can make a difference, but there are many things that you can do for yourself. If you apply the ideas in this article every day, you will start to notice your self esteem growing day by day.
By: Kevin John
Source: http://www.articledashboard.com
Would you like to learn more about the six pillars of self esteem? Visit my website for more resources, articles, and support materials about success and personal growth here. Kevin John has spent many years helping businesses owners, aspiring business owners, and private individuals to achieve success.
Motivation for Life: What Would You Do if You Could Have a Do Over?
"The only thing it takes 365 days to change is a year" - Hypnotherapist David Block
"If at any time you make a mistake and want to change your selection, press the star key on the telephone pad." - AMC 20 Movie Theater recording
Both of the above quotes imply a radical shift in popular thinking about change. They imply that changes can be made quickly, and don't have to take a long, long time.
I am constantly searching for the very best "change tools" I can find to help the people with whom I work. I look for tools that offer rapid and effective change, and meet at least three criteria:
1) Simple - any one can use them
2) Profound - they work quickly and they last
3) Dependable - they work just about every time
Recently a friend shared with me a wonderful quote from professional speaker Brian Tracy that meets all these criteria and has the potential to be a very rapid and effective change tool. Here's the quote, in the form of a question:
"If you were starting over today, what would you do differently? Whatever your answer, start doing it now."
All of us would like to have a chance for a "do over" in some area of our lives. Well, maybe in many areas. Although we cannot change the past, this question offers great direction for making both the present and the future more like we would want it to be.
Let's look at several areas of our lives and some questions about what we might do over, and then start doing now.
In the area of relationships, would you:
Be closer to those around you? Stay in touch with people? Let those close to you know how much you value them?
In the area of family, would you:
Spend more time with them? Go more places with them? Throw out the ridiculous notion of quality time and replace it with quantify time?
In the area of marriage, would you:
Learn how to communicate more effectively? Make sure, on a regular basis, that your spouse knows they are #1 with you? Honor and cherish them. Remember those words? Ask your self, what am I contributing to making this a cool place to be?
In the area of education, would you:
Go back to school? Find out about something you've always wanted to know? Take a class you've always wanted to take? Take the time to get really good at something?
In the area of health, would you:
Get in and stay in the best shape you can? Get rid of some extra pounds? Remember, there's overweight people and there's old people, but there's not a whole lot of old overweight people. Eat in a way that supports you?
In the area of finances, would you:
Design a life instead of just making a living? Keep track of where the money goes? Work and live within a budget? Put away something for the future on a regular basis?
In the area of attitude, would you: Pay attention to yours? Model an attitude you would want friends and family to model? Find something positive in almost any situation?
I'm certain there are other areas of your life that you can apply this question. Remember folks, life is not a dress rehearsal, although most of us act like it is.
Here's the question again,
"If you were starting over today, what would you do differently? Whatever your answer, start doing it now."
Don't get caught up and stuck in "I wish I coulda-shoulda-woulda." Focus on what you can do now, and simply and profoundly, go do it.
Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
Dealing with Negative Thoughts--the Bogeymen of Personal Growth
Every good self-development program teaches the importance of maintaining a positive perspective. But when you first begin to practice focusing on the good that you desire, chances are you’ll run smack into a stream of murky thoughts and images rising from some bedeviled corner of your mind. They take the shape of doubts, fears, pictures of future failures, and memories of failures from the past. And like the bogeymen small children see lurking in nighttime shadows, the negative images produce a lot of unfounded fears.
“Am I canceling out all the positive images I’m trying to create?” students will ask. Or they’ll say that they just can’t maintain their positive thoughts and ask if they’re hopeless cases. The happy answer to both questions is a big, resounding ‘No!’ For many reasons, positive images of the good you desire have enormously more power than your doubts and fears. And the fact that everybody faces the same challenge means the backlash of negative thoughts is normal.
More than that, the backlash is a kind of gift, to be welcomed. What you’re actually seeing are patterns of thought and layers of belief that were formerly invisible to you. Instead of fearing or fighting them, realize they’re simply showing you aspects of yourself that you have now chosen to change. They’re a kind of snapshot of the images that ruled you without your awareness up until now. They aren’t you; they’re only habits of thought that you can discard now that you see them as the unserving patterns that they are.
To lessen their appearance requires only two things. First, rather than judging yourself for producing them, just acknowledge their content as thoughts you no longer wish to entertain. Look at them with curiosity and detachment, as if you’re looking at an old photo of yourself that you never saw before. If you feel guilty about the content for any reason, forgive yourself with all the love and compassion you can summon. You didn’t choose the negative viewpoint; you acquired it. Because you’re aware of it now, you’re free of its power to unconsciously direct your choices.
Secondly, rather than attempting to analyze the negative thought, belief or image and trying to ferret out its cause, simply refocus on the thoughts you prefer in its place. The more frequently you do this, the faster your preferred thoughts and images will become your new ‘normal’—and your new reality.
The process of change is like the process of dying cloth a different color. When you first dip it in the dye bath, the cloth takes on a pale tint of the new shade. But every time you wash it in the new color, more of the new hue remains. Finally, all its fibers are fully and permanently transformed.
Don’t be concerned that the colors of your old thoughts bleed through for awhile. Just keep dipping into your new hues. Before you know it, you and your world will be beautifully transformed.
About the Author: Want to learn more techniques for being your best? Subscribe to Su